june juice

word vomit while i listen to the album 'even in arcadia' by sleep token

ethel cain and sleep token both released a new album this year.

i've listened to the album 'nettles' by ethel cain on a hot sunny afternoon while trying a new watercolour set i bought from a garden centre. an attempt to have a moment of peace with myself and my mind before work. windows and doors are wide open for the breeze to enter the house, blinds shaking from the occasional strong breeze, the cat in a deep sleep, twitching, melting into a puddle to it's plushy bed, neighbours having barbecue outside, laughter and conversations, a few houses down was blasting the radio that can only be heard muffled from ours.

all the sounds creating a gentle summer afternoon hum.

i think listening to 'nettles' was appropriate for that specific moment. i had a child within earshot so i skipped some songs from the album. someday, i'll sit and listen to the full album. listening to full albums is almost the same as reading a book or watching a movie for me. it's an experience from start to finish.

on the second song of 'even arcadia'. with sleep token, i'm obsessed with the quiet pauses within songs, or when only the vocal is held, and then the full instruments come together on the next beat. it's so satisfying. the soothing saxophone solo with the piano on emergence in the end is a good closing.

didn't know i would listen to these artists: sleep token, one ok rock, and ethel cain. if i let my thirteen year old self who listened religiously to pop and kpop, would be listen to them, look at me puzzled, shrugs, and gives me back the earphones saying "i get it, kinda nightcore vibes. not for me tho"

what i realised and found out was, through songs or music, i get to release pent up emotions, mainly annoyance, irritation, displeasure. ones i have to push down to keep my calm. when situations arise these negative emotions and i keep pushing them aside. it accumulates. and when it accumulates, it overflows, almost like an overfilled pot of boiling water. the lid dancing from the aggressive boil. a sharp sizzle when it touches the fire. saying words or showing emotion on my face that people flinch away from.

a way for me to release is through music. blasting them on my earphones. when they scream, i imagine myself screaming or being at a concert yelling the words until my throat hurts, the adrenaline keeps me high, and when it wears off, i feel spent. like that of a dying candle.

i guess i learned that as a coping mechanism. when i feel like i'm about to explode, i blast music. speakers, or earphones, anything to divert my attention from the negative emotion that swallowed me and wants to come out. i feel like a tamer having to control a vicious and erratic beast that i have to control but also want to let go.

album's done. would definitely listen again.

top 3 songs from the album