jetlagged so im writing
i always aim to go home every year.
i moved overseas for my studies. and ever since then, i can only ever visit home with the limit of 4 weeks. as a student, that's a while. i take the whole christmas break. well, almost.
i leave a week break before the next semester starts to adjust once again.
and it sucks. it always does. it sucks to come back to the cold weather when i'm from a tropical country. it sucks that i don't get as much sun as i want. the clouds and rain love to cover the sun it seems. it sucks that i don't get to travel 6 hours to visit my family in the province, to travel 20 minutes to my relatives and just hang out with them and my cousins. it sucks that i can't just meet up with my friends in the city to try different restaurants and cafe's or go on hikes and walks. it sucks that i cant be with them for longer.
i always have to go back and study and work and study and work and study and work before i can visit home again.
it's never easy. i try to ignore my emotions and feelings when i start my travel back. i shouldn't be surprised when tears start to well up and i have to tip my head back and press the back of my hands on my teary eyes.
it's almost wicked.. you know. going back home, visiting family and friends, hanging out with them, falling back into a new routine, getting used to it. and suddenly, even if you're not ready, you have to go back, you have to go away from your family and friends to study and work. and you have to fall back into routine... you have to adjust and get used to that new routine again.
it's a cycle and it happens. it's normal.
i'm grateful that i have this opportunity. that i can study and work abroad. that i can visit home yearly. not a lot are fortunate to go back to their home country when they've moved abroad for studies and work. some takes years, even a decade to just visit home.
i also thought about it recently. maybe the reason why i can't connect with my current friends here even if i've known them for years, is because we can't fully relate to each other. doesn't mean they have to. it's not required.
but to reach that level of understanding and have a relatable experience as mine. growing up in your home country and moving abroad in your late teens and you never feel home. sure if i moved away younger, adjusting between two cultures, countries, and weather wouldn't be as difficult as moving when you've lived there for so long you think it'll never change. and suddenly you're taken far far away.