it sucks
i hate it when i think of something that mentally distresses me my body feels sick.
the heavy pressure on my chest, feeling hollow in the middle, nauseous as if at any minute i'm going to run to the toilet, the lump on my throat, the stinging in my eyes and nose, tears forming and threatening to fall, chin quivering when you speak, your voice sounds shaky. knees and hands shaking.
you shut your eyes firmly to ease the stinging sensation, you clench and unclench you fists to stop them from shaking, you pace around to stop your knees from shaking. you try to breathe in deep from your nose and exhale through your mouth. you eagerly seek to point out what you see, feel, hear, smell, and touch.
hoping that in doing these things would make the sickening feeling go away.
it does sometimes. it helps knowing what calms you down.
but being in moments where you have to think about these distressing moments and have to speak about them sucks, you have to sit with this sickening feeling until the conversation is over.
the brain and body is so fascinating. it just sucks when this happens.