definitely, severely, desperately need a break for sure
everyone and everything annoys me.
im so sensitive. yet im numb.
i feel crazy going through these moods.
i can feel something, for a moment. for instance, happiness.. well is it even happiness if i feel empty and hallow?
i was playing a game awhile ago and i was down. my character got shot so i needed rescuing. yet none of my teammates came to rescue me. immediately i felt offended and in shock that they won’t come rescue me even if i asked for help and i watched my health bar go down. i was about to give up when they activated a mini game to beat the boss. i couldn’t wait to leave the mini game and separate from them. the whole game i avoided them and seems like they didn’t want me following them too as they shot my car when i drove past them.
sigh.. i know there are a lot of people like that in games and nothing to take personally. it’s just a game. same goes with social media. it’s just social media. it’s separate and different from real life.
the same happened again in my second game. after that i stopped playing since i wasn’t enjoying it anymore.
i feel like im slowly losing interest in playing this game. that’s not good because i don’t have something to feel something. i deactivated my main social media accounts and deleted some of them. i don’t use it that often anyway. so it’s been quiet.
which is nice and what i wanted because there’s too much noise in my head that any other unnecessary noise that i can mute, i will.
i can’t understand myself and cannot predict what mood i will be in. most of the days i feel empty or numb. then i have short bursts of annoyance, and find myself almost snapping at someone else who’s just trying to talk to me with no harm.
i feel like an agitated wolf. pacing around in circles, shaking my head to attempt to quiet the noise in my head and shaking my body to release some pent up emotions.
i don’t even understand myself at the moment…